Rule Number One
by voltagelisa
Summary: This is a one shot between Sten and Morrigan of a conversation they have during the game. This is my take if Morrigan had taken him up on the offer. Not sure what to rate it so Im sticking with M. Corrected, hopefully.


**Okay a one shot, I had help coming up with this idea. Bonefans4evar4 showed me a conversation between Sten and Morrigan. I killed myself laughing, it was hilarious. For those of you that have played the game quite a few times probably know that conversation. We****ll here my out take if Morrigan had taken Sten up on the invite, plus if what **_**Sten said was true.**_

**The Warden is female, no specified race and a virgin too. So this is from her point of view. **

**Please review and let me know what you think. It my first for comedy and I'm not sure if I pulled it off so feedback would be appreciated. **

We stood by the fire, gossiping. Sten and Morrigan were off somewhere. Maker only knows where, I didn't want to know. The conversation they had earlier on today, made me cringe and wince plus bight my tongue from asking any of my inquisitive questions. The thought of having sex with a person and having to wear armor... I shuddered. Superstitiously, I glanced at all the males in our group and wonder if I was to do one of them would have to wear armor? No...No, that can't be right.

"So you don't think there..." Alistair asked with wide eyes. He had been there also, to hear that conversation. If she's taking him up on that offer, all I can say is OUCH!

"No, she wouldn't be that stupid...would she?" I asked quietly, my eyes as wide as his. My throat dry just thought of 'metal' during the act.

"This is Morrigan we're talking about. I don't think there is anything that can change her mind when its set." He shuddered.

We all turned our eyes wide when we heard the clang of metal. I swallowed the lump that formed in my throat as we heard a grunt from the other side of the camp. _No she wouldn't..._

"No it can be..." he trailed off when a woman's cry came to us. It wasn't one of pain, that was for sure. "She would," he looked astounded.

"By the Maker what is she thinking of?" I asked horrified. He gave me a dubious look.

"My dear Warden, if you must asked that question, I can show you, it would be so much better than explaining." Zevran leered sidling up to me.

"Don't tell me it includes armor..." I trailed off when he gave me a shocked look and started laughing.

"Sten must have been joking, trying to rile her." Alistair laughed.

We gasped as Morrigan tent sway rhythmically, if they were careful it was going to fall over. Us the two virgins of the group went bright red as he heard Sten's deep grunts following, keeping in time with the swaying of the tent. Our faces went even redder, from blushing so hard. We went white when we heard her cry out in pain...it sounded like pain, but who was I to judge.

"Um, should we intervene?" I asked anyone listening.

"You go ahead and intervene; we'll let you handle Sten." Zevran muttered, looking at the precariously swaying tent leery.

"Um... Yeah, very good point," I groaned, covering my red ears from the noise of Sten.

"No, what's going in that tent is a good point, the best kind" Zevran winked at me and then glanced at Alistair slyly.

"Well at least we don't have to worry about Sten getting his tongue stuck to a lamp post." Zevran quipped impishly as Alistair blushed profusely.

We went silent as we heard a loud grunt and then a loud cry. I swallowed nervously, not sure what to do. The last cry didn't sound like pain but...

I walked slowly towards Morrigan's tent, trying to figure out how to save her without pissing a very large Qunari off. I was half way across the camp when the tent flap opened and a very smug Sten came out fixing up his pants. I watched in utter amazement as Morrigan half crawled, half stumbled out of the tent.

She wore metal armor, I knew this armor well, it was brand new and Alistair was going to be wearing it when I gave it to him. The metal was dented, there were teeth marks on the helmet and by the shoulders. I swallowed nervously eyeing the Qunari as he stood there with a half smile on his face. For him that was equivalent to a full blown smile.

I stood there gawking at the woman as she made her way towards me. "That is the way the Qunari do it." Sten said proudly before strutting off. _I am pretty sure I have seen everything, a Qunari strutting!_

I went to Morrigan, helping her to her feet, but that was easier said than done. Some of the metal was too dented for her to stand properly. With the both of us stumbling, we finally made it to Wynne.

Morrigan reached up and grasped my hand desperately looking at me with haunted eyes. "That is the last time I do anything with a Qunari." She muttered. The men helped her out of the armor as she groaned. There were bruises on her body from the metal...ouch!

"Warden, if I ever think about doing something so stupid again, do me a favour...Knock me out." She gave me pleading eyes.

"Okay!" Alistair grinned in anticipation, his hands ready for actions. His eyes were bright with happiness at her request.

"Oh and Alistair, that suit I wore...it was yours." Morrigan snickered and then groaned. Alistair sent her a killer look.

_New rule__: Never do anything sexual with a Qunari and if said person states something... believe him...maybe!_


End file.
